nu mai e nimeni..

Sa ridice mana cel pe care nu l-am dezamagit vreodata!
Sa ridice mana cel care a crezut in mine si nu i-au fost inselate asteptarile!
Sa-si dezlipeasca acum buzele si sa ma apere de propria judecata! Sa ma lase sa ma invelesc in cuvintele lui si sa-mi ia patura din cap fara sa ma sperie.

Nimic

Remember, my child: without innocence the cross is only iron, hope is only an illusion and Ocean Soul's nothing but a name...

***

De unde dorinta obsedanta de decandenta si repulsie? Din "calitatea" de a fi o mangusta imperfecta? Din nebunie?
Uneori mi-as dori sa fiu capabila sa ating cel mai de jos prag posibil, sa simt dezgustul tuturor, tocmai pentru a putea incerca sa gasesc undeva si persoana care, pusa in fata acestui sacrilegiu, sa reusasca sa vada ultima urma de inocenta ramasa.
Mi-e frica de repulsia si ambiguitatea ce le simt fata de mine. Ma sperie ce simt pentru tine. Ma inec, dezgustata de propria reactie si acceptiune.
Mai jos decat un copil inapt.. nu e doar prostie, ci si o lamentabila incercare de a arata ce e mai rau in mine...

***

De ce nu sufar de nebunie?
Copil.. copil pierdut ce n-ai invatat sa cresti..
Sau poate da.. ca intr-o Antigona moderna, vei lasa sa arda pe altar...
O alta drama a lui Rigolleto mi-ar sodomiza oare suflul?

au revoir...

Gara.. nu gara pustie a lui Paler, unde doar un decalog pe perete, sau fricile, isi gasesc locul. Nici gara acelei Lorelei ce intalneste primii fiori romantizati ai adolescentei. Nici chiar gara moderna, cu sacose mari, indesate in toate ungherele, si forfota.
Doar o gara sufocata de magazine, cu prea multa lume pentru acea ora, lume ce astepta, neatinsa de nimic mai mult decat rutina zilnica, urmatorul tren spre casa.
Gara in care te-am vazut ultima oara, in care, dupa ultimul ramas bun, am jucat teatru cu mine insami, spunandu-mi ca totul e bine. E gara in care am trait cea mai grea despartire si unde, singura lacrima ce n-am putut-o pastra pentru mine s-a lovit, nestiuta de nimeni, de asfaltul neregulat.
E gara.. unde m-am uitat pe mine..

...je ne peux pas oublier...

memoires

parce'que je t'aime

 tu dois le savoir

voi fi..

Mi-e dor.. mi-e dor sa ma pierd. In mine, in tine, in locuri ce nu le stiu, in lucruri ce nu le cunosc. O sa plec candva, undeva si o sa uit. O sa scriu iar jurnale insipide si o sa cred ca sunt speciala. Dar voi fi doar o mediocra ce nu-si poate indeplini promisiunea fata de sine si voi cadea. Ma voi trezi dimineata, voi pleca la lucru, ma voi casatori, voi avea copii si voi fi multumita de viata mea, incapabila sa mai vad lumea cum obisnuiam sa o vad. Deja simt cum ceata asta a stupiditatii ma ineaca. O sa uit sa citesc, sa ascult, sa ating. Nu o sa mai fiu om. Caci omul, desi egoist si prost, este fascinant prin prisma intensitatii cu care percepe un sentiment.
Mai e cineva care sa ma ridice din balta asta de noroi?
Nu? asa credeam si eu..

if I were..

ceva ce n-as scrie in mod normal, dar...

If I were a month, i would be... November
If I were a week day, i would be... Friday
If I were a part of the day, i would be... somewhere between midnight and 3 am
If I were a sea animal, i would be... a sea-jelly
If I were a direction, i would be... wherever the wind might lead me to
If I were a virtue, i would be... loyal to certain people
If i were a historic personality, i would be... Gudrun (norske myth)
If I were a planet, i would be... Saturn
If i were a liquid, i would be... sea water
If I were a stone, i would be... amber
If I were a bird, i would be... an eagle
If I were a flower, i would be... lilac
If I were a type of weather, i would be... a november rain
If I were a musical instrument, i would be... a violin
If I were an emotion, i would be... confusion
If I were a sound, i would be... the wind in an abandoned house
If I were an element, i would be... fire
If I were a song, i would be... Low man's lyric - Metallica
If I were a movie, i would be... Phantom of the Opera
If I were a book, i would be... 19 roses - Mircea Eliade
If I were a type of food, i would be... pancakes
If I were a city, i would be... Sighisoara
If I were a taste, i would be... something mediocre
If I were a flavour, i would be... white chocolate
If I were a colour, i would be... dark red
If I were a fabric, i would be... silk
If i were a word, i would be... mediocrity
If I were a part of the body, i would be... clavicle
If I were a facial expression, i would be.. aparent superiority
If I were a school subject, i would be... Photographic Arts
If I were a cartoon character, i would be... Frolo from Notre dame de Paris
If I were a form, i would be... indefinite
If I were a number, i would be... 9
If I were a form of transport, i would be... a tram
If I were a piece of clothing, i would be... a too short red and black scarf